Loss...

I lost my grandfather this weekend.

Hardest day of my life was watching what I had to see, but did so to respect his wishes and desires.

I had spoken to him at length about exactly what he wanted to happen if he was to stop breathing and if his heart stopped. I told him what it all entailed and how it would go and he was at peace with it.

I followed his wishes to the letter and then it was over.

It sucked that it happened in a hospital and not at home where he would have preferred, but it happened none the less.

I was lucky to have known this man, he taught me so much and now I kind of feel I need to change some things in my life to honor him and who he was and what he taught not only me, but my siblings and family.

I had promised him a long time ago that I would do what I could to be there if he left this earth, and I was lucky enough to be able to keep that promise. He did not go alone and that is what counts.

I don't cry often, but I'm not ashamed to say that I did not cry, I wept at his loss. He would have told me to "toughen up" or to "go compose yourself and then come back" but I wept anyway.

I think I want to write more as I find it healthy, but I have to find the words.

Bro, I know you're hurting, so when you're ready, I am too. I will listen if you want. If not, its cool. I understand. There is no judging and looking back at shoulda woulda coulda. It is what it is and that is all that it is.

The service was beautiful and moving. Pretty simple, the way my grandfather would have liked. My cousin moved me to tears singing "Amazing Grace". I had no clue she could sing like that. Wow!! is all I have to say.

My daughter sang her grampa a song too. "Jesus loves me". She told me she thought grampa would like it and I know he did.

She was so strong the whole time. I'm so proud of her too.

Anyways,

Peace.

Miss ya Gramps!!